Life of JEM

08/08/2025

Anyone who knows me well, ahem my husband, knows I watch shows on repeat. Gilmore Girls, West Wing, Lost, and the original S*x and the City (SATC). SATC is one of my favorite shows of all time. There's something about the friendships. It just touches and entertains me.

And I've always been a Carrie. C'mon, she's a writer and a free spirit and has curly hair and plus, she loves fashion and cosmos. So of course I'm a Carrie. (Yes, I know Miranda is a lawyer, but she's always been too buttoned up for me)

The reboot (And Just Like That) is wrapping up and these last episodes have slayed me a bit. The reboot series has become a bit melancholy in season three and yet (despite an uneven first season) I still love it. Carrie lost Mr. Big (he died episode 1, season 1 of the reboot) and she is a widow.

(Spoiler to come)

Carrie's heartfelt attempted reconciliation with Adian was a bust, and then the Brit writer she liked and who liked her primarily for her brains and writing skills (which was new for her) left. Now Carrie is adrift and all alone. Wondering, and writing, what's wrong with being alone? And is she alone? She still has her friends. And her writing.

I've been with my love for decades. Yet, I've always had a secret fear that I would end up alone, adrift without my rock. My husband Adrian is the place I moor. And the possibility of being without each other is one that both of us have to consider could happen one day. We have no kids. What would I do? What would he do?

I don't know. But what I'm sure of is that I would be lost. And while writing is a salve, it's not everything. I guess what I'm saying is that I am truly starting to feel my mortality at almost 54. It feels scary. But it's reality.

Tis life as they say. So I plan on appreciating life and what I have more, because, and this is more true than anything, it is beautiful.

Anyone who knows me well, ahem my husband, knows I watch shows on repeat. Gilmore Girls, West Wing, Lost, and the original S*x and the City ...

07/30/2025

524 in 1984

It is 5:24 am. My mind is overwhelmed and I'm very anxious. I have to register for school, and I'm locked out. Our school changed the system and it's been a nightmare. Thankfully, I am seeking out some tech help.

I've decided to only take three hours toward my creative writing MFA dissertation this semester, and I am hoping that will be easy peasy. I was on the five year plan, but now, I've said that even six years is fine. I've learned recently that you must be adaptable and with everything in the world right now, getting another degree is the least of my worries.

The dogs are keeping me sane. They kiss me all over my face every morning. Three lovable shih tzus. Their affection sustains me. It anchors me.

Where are we as a nation? I feel so unmoored. The foundation of democracy is so unstable that it's impacting my mood. The fear is real. The shocking awfulness of this administration is so palpable, every day. I fear this will not end well.

Yet, I've been dealing with bearing witness and taking on vicarious trauma for years as a deputy public defender in PC section 1368/mental health court. I've talked in my writings about bail, about the incarcerated class, and it has always felt somewhat dystopian.

It is just that now that the dystopian is omnipresent.

It is 5:24 am. My mind is overwhelmed and I'm very anxious. I have to register for school, and I'm locked out. Our school changed the system...

07/29/2025

The sky is falling It's falling the sky Chicken Little was right Punk rock was right All is not right I still go into court To defend the...

07/16/2025

So I have created a monster. Well three. Three co dependent shih tzus that can't sleep alone.

My husband warned me. "They're gonna get used to you being down there."

Last night, they started barking and howling at midnight for me and wouldn't stop. I padded downstairs and laid on the tiny couch next to their bed, and they immediately fell asleep.

Then, I tried to sneak upstairs at 330 am, but they caught me, and all three of them woke up and stood at the front of the stairs when I tried to go up. Sleepy eyed furry shih tzus blinking Morse code at me. "Try and you'll see. Just try it lady."

I love them beyond distraction, so much so that I sometimes just watch them sleep and snore. I'm so very content at that moment and at times ask myself, do I need anything else in life?

I can't even imagine what I would have been as a mom of a human baby. A creepy stalker co dependent mom perhaps? One who hugs too much? My dad was a hugger. He would always make us all hug him before me and my sisters went anywhere, and he'd tell us he loved us. My dad knew great loss in his life, and probably understood all too well how fleeting life can be. How everything can change.

I pet the dogs. A hand lazily strumming on their dog bed. One, two, wait, where's the third little piggie?

I look down. "Merry? Where are you?" I say softly from my couch bed. The all white, big headed fluffy one named Merry pads over and gets back in the dog bed with his siblings. I sigh and turn over, and go back to sleep.

So I have created a monster. Well three. Three co dependent shih tzus that can't sleep alone. My husband warned me. "They're gonna get used...

07/11/2025

There's a band I love called Dramarama (who I'm seeing live tonight). They have a song titled Emerald City. Here's a few of the lyrics: "I'm...