McSweeney's

McSweeney's This is the page of McSweeney's Books, McSweeney's Quarterly, and McSweeney's Internet Tende

For customer service inquiries, please contact via email ([email protected]) or phone (415.642.5609).

"A used-car dealer is forced to reveal the truth after selling a car to an old man, who claims the vehicle is haunted. T...
07/28/2025

"A used-car dealer is forced to reveal the truth after selling a car to an old man, who claims the vehicle is haunted. There isn’t a ghost in the car, but instead a college student living in it after residents sued the local university to block more student housing."

You’re traveling through another neighborhood, a neighborhood built from a maze of zoning-board restrictions. A journey into a redlined land whose ...

"My life partner tosses, turns, and loudly attempts to learn Mandarin on Duolingo. None of these activities requires me ...
07/28/2025

"My life partner tosses, turns, and loudly attempts to learn Mandarin on Duolingo. None of these activities requires me to relocate to the couch, which is good, because we no longer have a couch. There’s no room for any furniture in our apartment except the bed."

My husband and I gaze at each other while we brush our teeth, savoring these final moments together before we go our separate ways. I kiss him good...

Presidents have to mismanage the economic world order by misapplying the lessons they learned while they were unsuccessf...
07/28/2025

Presidents have to mismanage the economic world order by misapplying the lessons they learned while they were unsuccessful businessmen. What if a woman had to navigate the economic whiplash brought on by her ruinous financial policies—while on her period?

A lot has gone wrong under Donald Trump, but at least we narrowly avoided the catastrophe of a female president. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Kamala...

"Okay. We can still pull this thing together. Let me do what I do the rest of the day when I’m starving and don’t have f...
07/27/2025

"Okay. We can still pull this thing together. Let me do what I do the rest of the day when I’m starving and don’t have food: paw through my back-busting work tote for smooshed protein bars."

As our guest, please feel free to help yourself to anything. I didn’t run to the store before your arrival, because as you can see, my pantry is ov...

“This is Tupac. You don’t have much time. They’re already on their way.”
07/27/2025

“This is Tupac. You don’t have much time. They’re already on their way.”

1. “The Confederacy’s biggest problem was messaging.” 2. “I write this as I feel the chemo seep deeper into my body — how can something heal me and...

"We offer a significant discount to senior citizens (95+) via our mobile app. Download the app, connect the account to y...
07/27/2025

"We offer a significant discount to senior citizens (95+) via our mobile app. Download the app, connect the account to your Insta, solve three CAPTCHAs, and select which tickets you’d like on the seating map (on which we’ve disabled the ability to zoom)."

We in the theater world acknowledge that tickets to Broadway shows have become far too expensive. Thanks in part to A-listers pursuing the coveted ...

"Some movies are called 'films,' which happens if the movie is too long, is very boring, or was directed by someone who ...
07/27/2025

"Some movies are called 'films,' which happens if the movie is too long, is very boring, or was directed by someone who married their own adopted daughter."

The first movie ever made was released in 1887. That movie is called Air Bud, and it is about a dog who is good at passing a three-dimensional sphe...

Would you rather identify with Holden Caulfield or marry someone who still identifies with Holden Caulfield?
07/27/2025

Would you rather identify with Holden Caulfield or marry someone who still identifies with Holden Caulfield?

1. Would You Rather have Captain Ahab give his mad soliloquy to you every night before you go to sleep or get swallowed by an actual White Whale? 2...

"Execute an obvious pump-and-dump scam with crypto coin called $BRUH or $BOOBS or something."
07/26/2025

"Execute an obvious pump-and-dump scam with crypto coin called $BRUH or $BOOBS or something."

“After losing big with men under 30 in the 2024 election, Democrats have spent $20 million on a program called ‘Speaking with American Men’ (SAM) t...

"Europe has better restaurants than the United States. Nobody cooks at home in Europe, because there are so many fun res...
07/26/2025

"Europe has better restaurants than the United States. Nobody cooks at home in Europe, because there are so many fun restaurants. Dining out is more affordable in Europe because everyone uses their dad’s credit card."

Travel is about meeting new people. My semester abroad taught me that if you travel halfway around the world, you can make friends with all sorts o...

“I’ve compiled a list of seventeen articles on perimenopause that you might find interesting.”
07/26/2025

“I’ve compiled a list of seventeen articles on perimenopause that you might find interesting.”

1. Relive these memories from this day seven years ago. 2. Make sure you pack an umbrella, it looks like it might rain this afternoon. 3. I’d leave...

"The president, tiptoeing precipitously down the sidelines of legality, inadvertently ran the constitutional football ou...
07/26/2025

"The president, tiptoeing precipitously down the sidelines of legality, inadvertently ran the constitutional football out of bounds."

“The president remained steadfast in his novel interpretation of constitutional law.” “Faced with the choice between clinging to the letter of the ...

Address

San Francisco, CA

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when McSweeney's posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Business

Send a message to McSweeney's:

Shortcuts

Share

Category