11/21/2023
I've put off posting this until now because I felt guilty for setting up the conditions for my cat's disappearance, but of course that's just about me. After a week and a half of grieving for my Lola the Wonder Cat, writing a dozen lines, trying to come to terms, I finally want to make this post now, and in the near future I also want use whatever media and writing talent I have to express my gratitude to the universe for the honor of living my life with this amazing, intelligent and loyal soul. It will probably be a video.
My cat Lola was finally found, but she had a secret; she was shutting down and dying, and didn't want anyone to see her ending. At least that is what I think was going on. She had a known precondition, but this time it had rapidly deteriorated to the point of not eating and she had the need to disappear.
Of course I felt responsible.
A web search seemed to confirm that the behavior was evolutionary:
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"Your cat didn't go away to die because of you
Cats are drawing from their evolutionary past in going away to be alone to die, as in the wild there might be larger predators they need to hide from.
It is important to know that nothing you did caused your cat to behave like this at the end of his life.
Not having the chance to say goodbye to someone we love before they die can complicate our grief reaction. Initially your loss was ambiguous because your cat was missing, but once found, the reality became very concrete."
source: https://www.yourcat.co.uk/cat-advice/why-do-cats-go-away-to-die/
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So I made it personal and it wasn't.
It was an evolutionary process and natural.
We found her under the cement patio at my new tiny house two days after the disappearance. Gwenneth next door mentioned the under-patio as a place where cats hang out for safety. I tried to call the cat with no response and tried to take photos of under the patio to see what I could see.
and called me back to say that she (Gwenneth) had spotted her., and Lola had hidden herself quite well, and I returned with my friend Eddy Strickler who volunteered to get under that patio and retrieve her.
She'd been in the rain and cold for two days and although we got her warm and she was fully alert and responsive, it was clear that her system was shutting down. She had no feeling in her hind quarters and could barely use her front arms to pull herself up to take water. She seemed happy to not be cold any more and occasionally made a quiet whimpering sound, later she seemed comfortable, calm, and totally cogent, resigned to her condition; maintaining her dignity and grace.
Eddie tried to get a 24 animal hospital to do some kind of "heroic rescue" but I wanted to take her to my friends at the Animal Hospital of Sebastopol and they were closed.
So as she seemed to be not in pain but just needed to hydrate, I took her with me back to the moving site for a few hours and then back to my new home for the night. The next morning I took her to Seb Animal Hospital for observation, with no expectation of any rescue when I returned that afternoon for a consultation.
Yes, she was paralyzed and something was going on with her spine. She had no feelings in the hind quarters and feet, yet she was totally 'there'. The 'treatment' was obvious; euthanasia recommended. But it would have to happen the next morning.
The nurse at suggested instead of 'boarding' her overnight that I take her home with me that night instead, so I did. I got some extra time to say good bye.
The next morning we went into the 'Gazebo' for the departure. She was calm and relaxed as she's known the staff in this place for years. I put her up on the table and waited for the nurse to arrive. She explained the procedure and asked if we wanted some more time, which of course I did.
show time.
The relaxing drug...
then the heart stopper.
and... one eye is wide open (the other eye partially closed as her body was scrunched down on one side.
and I realized the last thing she saw was me.
-- sappy video in the future
out
sqb
Thanks to
Linda Mulligan Cohn for her love, longtime care and nursing of Lola for the last 4 years, Eddy Strickler for his concern, the messy rescue and handbills, and Gwenneth next door
