09/20/2025
Welp. Guess we transition from Florida man to Michigan man.
STERLING HEIGHTS, MI — An elderly couple says their evening walk through Dodge Park turned extraordinary when they spotted what they believe was Bigfoot near the Clinton River. The couple, who sometimes stop by the “hidden crane” area to smoke ma*****na, say they initially thought the sighting might have been a trick of the mind. “I thought it was just the w**d stuff mixing with the DMT I mixed in,” said 89-year-old Cliff of Sterling Heights. “But this thing was tall, hairy, and moving faster than you’d expect for someone with no shoes.” His girlfriend Roberta says she had a disposable camera with her and captured a photo. “I was shocked when we actually saw him in the pictures,” she said. Scientific experts who reviewed the image say it cannot be disproven and are calling it the clearest photograph of Bigfoot ever documented anywhere. The couple described hearing a low grumble they compared to a lawnmower trying to start, and said the creature “sounded like a gorilla with a Michigan accent” before disappearing into the woods. The story has sparked widespread interest, with locals closely examining the photo and discussing the possibility that Sterling Heights may now have its own Sasquatch.
