06/09/2020
I need to talk to you about being an ally. As what was at one time considered hashtag activism becomes a legitiment movement in the eyes of those not effected by racial injustice, has grown into THE national conversation. So too have a chorus of people who call themselves allies, those folks with societal privilege who say they want to help make positive change in the world, those who don’t want to be “part of the problem.”
Being an ally to a social justice movement that isn’t really your own is to live in something of a paradox. It can be difficult, and yet it’s never as difficult as being the one whose oppression started the whole thing. An ally gives up a certain amount of privilege, but never all of it — and so can feel at once righteous and plagued with guilt, targeted by those who seek to oppress as a politically correct snowflake and often seen by those you’re advocating for as a “weekend warrior,” who could give up the fight tomorrow if you felt like it. And you know what? They’re right … you could.
An Authentic ally speaks when necessary, and only when they truly understand the dynamics under discussion. Authentic allies will first do no harm. The performative ally, on the other hand, never shuts up. That’s their defining characteristic.
To my mind, the performative ally is someone whose desire to be seen as on the right side of an issue can get in the way of a real ally’s true job. The performative ally posts on social media about how annoying white people are, conveniently ignoring their own whiteness. The performative ally makes a lot of noise, and accomplishes very little.
One of the important jobs an authentic ally can take on is, to amplify the voices of the unheard.
Something else an authentic ally will do is converse with the people in his/her own privileged group about some of these tough issues.
The biggest reason that allies speaking with members of their own group works is because there’s no power dynamic there. When an oppressed person takes on his/her oppressor, there’s rarely an even playing field. Of course, allies can’t do all the talking (see the bit above about amplifying others’ voices) — but when they do, they can speak with, rather than speak at.
This brings me to the most important job of an ally, which is to listen. Allies spend a lot more time listening than they do speaking — and when speaking, they try their best not to lecture.
Of course, there will eventually come a time when it’s important for an authentic ally to speak up. But only by listening first can an ally speak with any credibility. An ally will typically begin speaking by asking questions, and an ally will know, when an unarmed black man has been shot by a policeman, that the important question is not, “did the officer feel unsafe,” but rather — “did this citizen deserve to die.”
Remember: the performative ally takes up a lot of space. The authentic ally makes space. It’s a crucial difference.
