Raising Teens

07/08/2025

Wow! So impressive to see that the only high school in North America on this list is in New Jersey!

Franklin School, an independent high school in Jersey City, is named one of the most innovative schools in the world by T4 Education.

07/07/2025

Pretty powerful.

This is What Happens When You Stop Fixing Things for Your Kids

“I’ve got this!” – how many times in our lives have we thought or said this out loud?

As moms, we’ve said and thought this countless times – we do what needs to be done.

When we’re juggling 25 things at once we go into autopilot – You need 40 cupcakes made for school tomorrow? I’ve got this.

You need a ride to practice, help with homework, and a costume for your presentation? I’ve got this.

I never gave it any thought until my older son stopped me one day.

My boys were doing their homework at the kitchen table, and my older son (5th grade at the time) was telling me how another boy in his class was bullying him. He was making fun of my son’s large feet (a size 14 at the time) and it clearly bothered my son.

When he finished I said, without thinking, “I’ve got this, I’ll send your teacher an email tonight. Then I’ll call her tomorrow and set up a meeting so we can discuss this. Then, if it doesn’t stop I’ll…”

My son gently interrupted my stream of “to do’s” and said “Mom, I’m not asking you to fix it. I just want to talk with you about it.” Wow – what a lesson!

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that he was strong enough to stop me and to tell me that he wanted to handle it.

Instead of me taking over and “fixing it,” I thanked him for speaking up, we talked about how he felt and what he planned to do about it. I’m not always going to be there – he has to learn how to do difficult things for himself.

He was so proud of himself the next day when he told me how he handled it. He fixed it – he did it – not me. The way it should be.

What if he hadn’t spoken up? In my effort to help, I would have ruined any chance for him to take care of himself.

He taught me such a valuable lesson – he taught me to stop and listen. Instead of “I’ve got this,” I had to learn “You’ve got this.”

Years later when he was in college, he called me from his car. He had me on his car speaker (the “squawk box” as we call it), and he was telling me about situation at school. I listened.

I asked him what he was going to do about it. I didn’t immediately offer solutions. He told me his plan, we talked about his options and what he thought was the best way to handle it.

He called me later that day to say that his friend who was in the car with him at the time looked at him funny when he hung up our call. My son asked him what he was thinking and his friend said

That was your mom? You talk to each other like you’re friends. She didn’t start telling you what to do or asking you a million questions. She listened to you. Your opinion mattered. I can’t imagine having that kind of conversation with my mom.

What his friend didn’t know was that if my son hadn’t stopped me all those years ago, that’s exactly what I would have done – and I may have even flown down there to handle it myself.

My son told me he thought this was how all sons and moms talked – he realized that day that it wasn’t.

I reminded him of the middle school experience with bullying, and I thanked him again for speaking up. We laughed about me always wanting to fix things and having to let that go.

We can learn so much about parenting from our children if we’re willing to listen.

His younger brother benefitted from this revelation – how many times did I have to pause and ask questions (How do you feel about this? How do you think you should handle this? How can I support you?)

I’ll admit – it doesn’t come naturally.

My heart and mind still want to jump right in and make it better, but I’ve learned that sometimes our children just want to talk to someone they trust. They can handle more than we give them credit for – our first instinct may be to help and to protect but when we let them work it out, they learn and grow and become confident.

If they want to consult with us, get our opinion or ask us to be a sounding board, lucky us.

If they genuinely have no idea what to do in particularly tough situation, we can help them figure it out.

We can help them but we must resist the urge to take over. We have to understand when it’s time to move away from “I’ve got this!” to “You’ve got this!”

by Tracy Hargen

07/05/2025

❤️❤️❤️

07/04/2025

🤩🤩

a far, far away land.

07/04/2025

Best feeling!

Yes!

07/03/2025

THIS.

07/01/2025

It’s the little things.

The secret to success starts here...

06/30/2025

Nice reminder.

Dear teenagers (and everyone else)... You don't have to post it to prove it.

06/30/2025

Her story is so inspiring! Does your teen have a Little Words Project bracelet?

NJ mom Adriana Carrig of Little Words Project turned positive messages into a multi-million dollar business.

06/29/2025

All of this. 🧡💛

06/29/2025

Do you think phones should be banned from the classroom?

As both a mom of a tween and teens and as a former teacher, supporting cell phone bans in school is an easy choice for me.

06/28/2025

Brilliant!

This is brilliant! The point system could also be used for weekly chores or earning something big that kids want (instead of getting un-grounded)