01/02/2026
I buried my father five days ago. Three days ago, I found out he had a completely second family that none of us knew existed. My entire life has been a lie.
At my dad's funeral, a woman approached me crying. She introduced herself as Amanda—my father's wife. She had three kids with her. My half-siblings. I thought she was crazy until she showed me wedding photos, family pictures, twenty years of proof that my dad had been living a double life.
For 22 years, my father maintained two complete families. Two wives. Five kids total. Two houses, three hours apart. Two sets of birthdays to remember, school events to attend, holidays to celebrate. He told my mom he traveled for work to Portland. He told his other wife he traveled for work to Seattle. Neither of them suspected a thing.
The kids—my half-siblings—are 19, 16, and 10. My dad coached the oldest one's baseball team. He went to the middle one's sweet sixteen party THE SAME WEEKEND he missed my college graduation, claiming he had a work conference. He was helping the youngest with homework while simultaneously helping me plan my wedding.
My mom has been married to him for 35 years. She's completely broken. Amanda didn't even know WE existed until she found documents in his office after he died. Now we're all sitting in this nightmare trying to figure out what was real and what was lies.
The estate has to be split between both families. The life insurance, the house, the retirement accounts—everything divided between the family we thought we were and the family we never knew existed. We have to go through probate with people who are strangers but also somehow my siblings.
I keep looking at old photos and can't trust any of them. Was he really present in those moments, or was he thinking about his other family? Did he actually love us, or were we just an obligation he couldn't escape?
I don't even know who my father was anymore.
Full story in first comment 👇 How do you grieve someone who never actually existed? How do you process that your entire childhood was half of a double life?