The Kumquat

02/11/2020

Do You Have A DJs VIP Card? Have You Sucked Dick In Thornden Park? Do You Just Want To Compare Academic Schedules? Well, Now You Can Put It On Display With Merch From The Official K*mquat Store

Teespring is the free and easy way to bring your ideas to life. Design your product, set a price, and start selling. Teespring handles the rest - production, shipping, and customer service - and you keep the profit!

11/19/2019

09/12/2019

Info Meeting Tonight: Be There Or Be Ugly

04/11/2019

"K*m Inside: FYP's Gender-Bent Newsies" is the first installment of our new documentary series "K*m Inside". In this film, you'll get an up close and personal look at the conception, creation, and completion of First Year Players' most recent ground-breaking production, "Newsies".

04/10/2019

5 Surefire Ways To Get Out Of Having To Dance With Your Family Friend At The Upcoming Snowflake Ball https://kum-quat.squarespace.com/world-1/2019/4/10/5-surefire-ways-to-get-out-of-having-to-dance-with-your-family-friend-at-the-upcoming-snowflake-ball

Assuming you’re not totally out of the loop, you know Friday night is the premier event of the winter trimester here at Millard Fillmore Middle School: The Snowflake Ball. Nobody really asked to be anyone else’s date for this event, but everyone knows that when push comes to shove, the slow danc...

03/27/2019

The 5 Likeliest Explanations For Why Brenden Sits With Miss Hudson At Lunch https://kum-quat.squarespace.com/world-1/2019/3/27/the-5-likeliest-explanations-for-why-brenden-sits-with-miss-hudson-at-lunch

Something’s changed in the last ten days or so in the Millard Fillmore elementary school cafeteria during fifth period lunch. Brenden, who used to regale us all with his tales of his family’s ski vacation they took to Vermont when he was in fourth grade, has been sitting with English teacher and...

03/27/2019

Here’s What Females Actually Get Wrong About So-Called “Mansplaining” https://kum-quat.squarespace.com/articles-1/2019/3/26/heres-what-females-actually-get-wrong-about-so-called-mansplaining

Opinion by Manly F Haus : About the author ~ Manly F. Haus is the pseudonym under which marginalized male voices at Syracuse University can write anonymous opinion editorials without facing backlash or accountability from their peers. Okay females, this one's for you! I’ve been seeing a lot

03/05/2019

5 Reasons Why Ethan Isn’t Inviting Jakob R To His Birthday Party At Medieval Times, Ranked By Sociopolitical Expediency kum-quat.squarespace.com/world-1/2019/3/5/5-reasons-why-ethan-isnt-inviting-jakob-r-to-his-birthday-party-at-medieval-times-ranked-by-sociopolitical-expediency

01/31/2019

The K*mquat is recruiting!

11/22/2018

See what this Thanksgiving has in store for you!

Scorpio This is your season, Scorpio. The four weeks out of every year wherein you are operating at peak performance. You are Mariah Carey's bank account the minute Halloween is over. This is your final form. As a Scorpio, you are characteristically a heinous bitch who drives away everyone they l

11/07/2018

A house isn't the only thing that needs an extreme makeover!

Ty Pennington, famous for his killer body and for his run as the star of PBS’s erotic drama, “Extreme Makeover Home Edition”, is constantly moving buses but when will he move this bussy??? The year was 1998. A man visited me in a dream. The five foot, eleven inches tall figure whispered, “mo...