The Eggplant FSU

The Eggplant FSU The Eggplant is Florida State University's #1 satirical news source.

The Eggplant was founded in January 2014 by Aubrey Burrough and Houston Barber, on the popular tween website Tumblr dot com. With the dedication and talent of its founders and a few more funny people, the publication has triumphed on in providing for the FSU community. The publication is currently run by a team of 11 extremely hot and talented lizards who do stand up.

05/05/2026

Chloe being the sexiest Co-President/EIC for 24 seconds 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥵🫣💗😘

05/04/2026

Generational run from our writer 💸🔥🙌 stayed in his bag all season🥶 replay value is insane

04/23/2026

Yo nightmare chill 😭✌️💔🥀

In a shocking development during the California leg of Coldplay’s most recent tour, it was revealed that surgery had bee...
04/22/2026

In a shocking development during the California leg of Coldplay’s most recent tour, it was revealed that surgery had been performed on a grape. Following their performance of the song ‘Sparks,’ they announced the traditional Kiss Cam segment of the concert. The audience was kerfuffled by what they saw: scientists were doing surgery on a grape. Chappell Roan,who was in attendance, immediately took issue with this, calling her security to have the grape removed from the stadium. The Eggplant was able to interview Roan in the direct aftermath of the event, she told us, “Yeah, Jim Carrey’s face does look strange, he looks like a clone of himself.”

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SHOCKING, FSU President Richard McCullogh drops new form, THOUGHTS?????Check out more of our content on our website, lin...
04/21/2026

SHOCKING, FSU President Richard McCullogh drops new form, THOUGHTS?????

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YOU. YES YOU READING THIS RIGHT NOW. I WISH YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO EXP...
04/16/2026

YOU. YES YOU READING THIS RIGHT NOW. I WISH YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO EXPLAIN. YOU MUST GO TO THE NEAREST CAPTAIN D’S ESTABLISHMENT. IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU GET THERE. *Captain D’s, LLC. is an American fast casual restaurant chain that specializes in seafood and is headquartered in Nashville, Tennessee. The chain was founded as Mr. D’s Seafood and Hamburgers by Raymond L. Danner Sr. on August 15, 1969, in Donelson, Tennessee.* YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST ME. THIS IS BIGGER THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE. MY PEOPLE WILL GET YOU SORTED OUT. THE REST IS IN YOUR HANDS. GOOD LUCK KID.

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Bark Karaoke Now 17 and Under. Read more of our content on our website, Link in bio!
04/15/2026

Bark Karaoke Now 17 and Under.

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“With a rich history on the Cool Math Games website, the Flash puzzle game is ripe for a filmic adaptation,” said Aaron ...
04/15/2026

“With a rich history on the Cool Math Games website, the Flash puzzle game is ripe for a filmic adaptation,” said Aaron Sorkin, the screenwriter attached to the project. “I’m most excited by the lack of narrative, dialogue, or characters.” The studio revealed that their top directing choice is Olivia Wilde, believing that her exploration of female relationships and power dynamics is exactly what a Bloxorz movie needs. Fans of Bloxorz have already begun fan-casting the rectangular prism on social media platforms. Michael B. Jordan, Logan Lerman, and Dylan O’Brien are all frontrunners, but none have commented on any of the speculation at this time.

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Eggplant Quarterly Financial Report Read the full report on our website, Link in bio!
04/14/2026

Eggplant Quarterly Financial Report

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“Frankly, we are starving,” the president muttered, flicking his now-extended tongue across rows of jagged teeth. “We ha...
04/13/2026

“Frankly, we are starving,” the president muttered, flicking his now-extended tongue across rows of jagged teeth. “We have been so patient for so long. Too long, some are saying. We said, ‘wow, look at how hungry we are,’ but Biden’s leftist agenda never let us eat Peter Parker. None of the symbiotes would have ever bonded with Crooked Hillary or Sleepy Joe.” The president then promptly devoured a White House aide in one bite and leapt from the podium onto the ceiling.

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