08/03/2025
This one's for our friends in King City. Apologies in advance, but too funny not to share! 😜
"Generation Zaddy Issues: Portland's Rent-Weary Zoomers Flock to King City for Romance, Retirement, and Free Cable"
Tired of skyrocketing rent, soul-sucking side hustles, and being ghosted on Hinge by baristas with commitment issues, a new generation of Gen Z Portlanders is flipping the script—by dating up. Way up.
Welcome to King City, Oregon, where the retirement community is buzzing not just with bingo nights and tai chi, but now with 25-year-olds who’ve decided that dating someone who remembers the moon landing might just be the ticket out of a toxic economy.
“It’s not gold-digging if there’s a Costco membership involved,” laughs Eli, 27, sipping prune juice unironically at the local community center. “Besides, these women have stories. One of them protested Nixon and taught me how to make jello molds.”
Experts say the trend has gone far beyond "cougar" territory. These women are apex predators on the social savanna. “We’re not cougars—we’re saber-tooths,” quips Doris, 82, who recently updated her dating profile to include "must know how to reset a Wi-Fi router.”
Statistically speaking, women outlive men, which means the dating pool in King City is a heavily female-majority utopia. Translation? Competition is fierce, but the amenities are killer. Free parking, zero roommates, and nightly dinners that end by 4:30.
“Youth is wasted on the young,” says Gloria, 79, "but I’ll be damned if I waste this extra Social Security check on a cat."
Call it economic survival or a dating renaissance, but Portland's Gen Z is finding love where no one expected: in the age of fixed incomes and fixed dentures. The future of dating might just come with early bird specials, a reverse mortgage, and someone who genuinely knows how to fold a fitted sheet.
And honestly? That sounds like a win.