24/07/2025
In the height of my caregiver burnout, I knew that if I were going to go the distance with my mom, be with her to the end, I would have to forgive her. At first, it was even hard to admit I was angry, or grieving, or needed to forgive her for anything. I knew she had done the best she could.
I felt guilty whenever the feeling of anger or resentment came up. “Why didn’t she do this? Why wouldn’t she do that? Where was she when I needed her?”
But then someone told me something that changed everything.
Two opposite things can be true. She did the best she could. Sometimes I needed more.
In my book, From Guilt to Good Enough, I wrote about coming to terms with that sentiment, growing in grace and understanding for what she was going through, and healing the wounds that were there, even if unintentional.
I was able to forgive her and walk her home with love and compassion. Our final months together were difficult, but not because of our relationship. The cycle is broken, yet the circle remains unbroken.
And now I walk on, alone. Sure, not really alone. I have supportive family and friends, but they know little about the journey my mom and I went through. It is also hard to explain that, though the healing work I did with my mom was done, there is still more to be done. I may have broken the cycle of trying and failing and coming to terms with being enough that she and I carried, but it persists in my life still.
I am now coming to terms with how, in many ways, though I fought it with every fiber of my being, I am like her. There are people around me that I love, for whom I would do anything, and yet, many times, I have failed to do enough.
~ The above is an excerpt from my most recent Substack post, "Is it enough?" I publish one or two articles a week, sharing my life as I experience it in hopes that it encourages others. To read the full article, click below! Don’t forget to subscribe to . Your support means the world.
https://open.substack.com/pub/selfcaregiver/p/is-it-enough?r=3kiq3g&utm_medium=ios
