11/09/2025
How do I recover from gifting quilts and receiving zero appreciation?
Starting a couple years ago I started making individual personalized quilts for each of my nieces and nephews on my husband's side. I'd given out 4 so far and they were well received and my nieces all cuddled with them Christmas morning, showed them off, and I generally got some nice comments from the adults and the kids and it was all lovely. (And to top it off several months later my brother-in-law told me "Oh A, those quilts you gave my girls, they LOVE them. They sleep with them every night and constantly use them." And it was one of the best comments I've ever gotten.)
Well this Christmas I finished the next set of quilts. I brought them over for the family dinner and before the rest of the family showed up asked my sister-in-law and brother-in-law if they could gather up their three boys I have a gift for them.
I give each boy their quilt "K, I heard your favorite color is red, and you love snakes, so I made you a quilt that's red with snakes!" and so on to each boy (they are between 6-11years) and each boy looked excited and whispered to their brothers little things like "oh dude, look yours has a lion! that's cool!" So I know they appreciated them.
Then sister-in-law said, "okay boys, do NOT unwrap these and put them in the other room." Then... they were never seen or heard from again. Everyone else arrived for dinner and the quilts were never spoken of.
My mother-in-law, who was watching from the kitchen never asked to see them. They weren't even unwrapped and unfolded. The boys didn't even get to look at them with me there... And their parents never said thank you, acknowledged the quilts, made a single comment about them, or asked a single question.
Later in the evening I was tracked down by brother-in-law and he gave me a big hug and said "A, thanks for the fishing lure!" Because my husband had bought a $5 fishing lure to give him for Christmas. I got a hug and a thank you for a fishing lure that wasn't even from me... yet not a single mention of the quilts I spent HOURS on for his three boys...
Now, I'm not complaining about the nephew's reaction. They reacted perfectly, looked excited... but I spent the evening close to tears. As fellow quilters, you know the effort that goes into these quilts. I even custom drew & designed the snake fabric on spoonflower myself because I couldn't find fabric I liked for K's quilt.
I even tried to revive the conversation about the quilts later in the evening to my sister-in-law "Oh, btw wash those quilts with a bit of vinegar the first time so the colors hold."
"Okay" she said with a smile.
.. My husband says I should have SOLD myself more. TOLD them how much time I spent on them. SHOW them the fabric I designed myself. TELL them it costs over $150 in materials for each quilt. TELL them the edges are hand sewn. But my personality is not one to brag... Normally a handmade gift results in people asking "Oh wow! Did you do this all yourself? How long did this take?" and so on and I would have had the opportunity to show them off a little. Instead, they weren't unwrapped, no one who showed up later saw them, and they were put in another room without a single comment.
I don't have a close relationship with this sister-in-law but I consider us to be on good terms... but I'm just so confused and hurt. I'm also too much of a chicken to directly text her (and I think it's rude) and be like "What up! Those quilts I made your boys? They take a lot of hard work! I demand recognition!" That's not me.
I'm just so so hurt... It's completely taken the wind out of my sails. I have more nieces and nephews to go... and I just... don't even want to go into my sewing room. I don't need a parade for my hard work, and I know not everyone knows the work that goes into quilts... but I'm still just so upset at the lack of anything at all... How do I recover from this?
