06/09/2026
The Bernadette Deka Lesson: Hilarious Edition
In 2019, Bernadette Deka-Zulu got dragged to court by Vyansilati Enterprise Limited for K2,675,000. That’s 2.6 million kwacha. That’s “sell your car, your plot, and your uncle’s goats” money.
Her defense went like this:
Court: “Madam, did you borrow K2.6 million?”
Deka: “Absolutely not! That was a shark loan! 100% interest per month! Illegal! Void! Unconscionable! I would never!”
Court: “So… you owe nothing?”
Deka: “Well… I admit I owe K1,000,000 plus reasonable interest. But not to _them_.”
Sir, ma’am. That’s like ordering a full chicken at Hungry Lion, eating the drumsticks, then telling the cashier: “I only admit to eating the wings. And I’ll pay the farmer, not you.”
*The math wasn’t mathing.*
Vyansilati: “You signed for K2.675M.”
Deka: “That was just to disguise the 100% monthly interest on the K1M I _actually_ borrowed.”
Everyone else: “So you admit you took K1M at 100% per month? That’s K1M in January, K2M in February, K4M in March… ma’am, the K2.6M is them giving you a discount!”
*The real lesson:*
Whether it was K1M or K2.6M, one thing was crystal clear: she borrowed.
And when you borrow, the lender will eventually move. They don’t care if you call it a “shark loan.” They don’t care if you only admit to the principal. They don’t care if you want to pay “reasonable interest” calculated by your cousin.
They care about that paper you signed. And they will come with paperwork, lawyers, and 15% weekly penalties that turn K1M into “sell everything you own” by lunchtime.
And when the garnishee order hits?
When the people you owe money garnishee your account, don’t run to Facebook shouting “It’s politics! They’re targeting me!” No. It’s not politics. It’s just people. People you owe money. People with receipts. People with a High Court stamp.
Moral of the story:
Don’t borrow K1M if you can’t pay K2.6M. Don’t sign “disguise” agreements. And definitely don’t act shocked when the lender remembers better than you do.
Because crying “shark loan” after the money is spent is like complaining the water is wet after you jumped in the pool. And crying “politics” when your account is empty is like blaming ZESCO when you didn’t buy units.
