Logic in Love

Where pragmatism meets romance— Tools that help you use logic to improve the odds of success in love. Our journey towards finding the ultimate love.

10/14/2023

1 year down and a lifetime to go! Here are my (Jae) top 5 lessons learned from our 1st year of marriage.

1. Not all your old habits will translate to your new *shared* reality.
Marriage is the ultimate test of relinquishing control over tightly held beliefs. How you did things as an individual might not translate to y'all as a unit. Being open to flexing on the “how” is critical.

2. Find the balance that works for y’all.
A balanced marriage doesn't mean things are 50/50. Sometimes, you have to put in 80 to their 20 or vice versa, but you find a way collectively to get to 100.

3. Keep reminders of all the things you love about them.
I keep a note about all the reasons I chose Lajuanda and update it when she does something especially kind. Those reminders keep me rooted in the Truth about my marriage, even if we hit a difficult moment.

4. Find ways to maintain fun.
Schedule a date night. Paint and sip. Hit a concert. Prioritize whatever makes y'all feel connected to one another – it goes a long way.

5. In heated moments, remember: that’s your partner, not your adversary.
We never tear down each other in disagreements. I see it like this: that's my wife, not my competition.

What are you currently practicing to bring to your partnership?

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❤️

10/12/2023

We've been married for a little over a year now! Here are my (Lajuanda) top 5 lessons learned from our 1st year of marriage.

1. Hold your tongue, but not for too long.
2. Let go of friction or annoyances more than you hold on to them.
3. Foster or nurture a spiritual connection.
4. Don't let life’s logistics get in the away of enjoying one another. The details of life have a way of taking over if you let them.
5. Get specific on what works and what doesn’t within your communication, and continually come back to or examine that. You can't just say, ‘We’re working on improving our communication.’ What does that mean?

What are you currently practicing to bring to your partnership?

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❤️

10/06/2023

Whether it’s your wedding planner, caterer, DJ, wedding party, or parents-in-law, choose to work with people who are wholeheartedly invested in your vision.

Never let someone undermine YOUR vision for YOUR special day – you only get this opportunity once. You deserve to be happy with the money you spend. Most importantly, don’t let too bad go on for too long.

That’s a tip for wedding planning and relationships.

10/01/2023

They say wedding planning is hard because, for many couples, it’s the first project of this magnitude together. We had the great fortune of having gone through some other doozies together before we got married — major surgeries, a global pandemic, and moving cross-country.

Like others, we sometimes struggle with communication, but at the end of the day, we know how to get stuff done — together. That doesn’t mean that wedding planning was easy, though. There were things that worked, things that didn’t, and some major lessons learned that will serve as guides throughout our marriage.

If you’re married or engaged — what did you learn from your wedding or planning experience? If you’re single — what is the vision you have for how your wedding planning experience will go?

Drop a comment below!

09/28/2023

“Perfection is being happy with the imperfect. I wanted to have the perfect wedding day, so I chose to be happy with whatever transpired.” — Lajuanda

09/20/2023

We established a collective vision for our wedding as a couple. And we stuck to it.

This made the wedding planning process “easier” when things got hard.

Even times when we had to adjust our ex*****on, we created space to do that as a couple — without compromising the overarching vision we were going for.

A wedding isn’t just a party — it’s the container for which you are starting your marriage. Come together. Set a vision.

09/15/2023

One big that happened while we were gone was getting married!

Our wedding day was joyous.

That was remarkable because the day was set in a moment of chaos in our lives — Lajuanda in the MBA, Jae launching a product at work, us getting married on the opposite coast from where we lived, and a tumultuous wedding planning experience.

As is characteristic of us as a couple, we persisted.

We had our first look where it all began – UC Berkeley — and circled back to Lake Merritt in Oakland where we had spent hours in conversation over the years.

Every detail was intentional from the caterer to the community we chose to commemorate the moment. The outfits — custom wear and traditional clothes. The DJ — one of the Bay Area’s finest, . The Nigerian and American fusion — a gele tying station and spray dance.
The ceremony and vows — personalized declarations of our love.

In front of family and community we declared: To lead one another and to follow, to carry and be carried. To overcome together no matter the obstacle, to do battle when necessary, and to champion peace when we’re able. With all the unknown of the future, in movement and stillness with all our hearts. To march forward together forever.

And contrary to what Lajuanda thought before the wedding, we danced our hearts out the entire night with the people we love. It was a joyous day.

📸

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❤️

09/07/2023

We’re back! It’s been two years since we posted, and a lot has happened in that time. A home was bought, a wedding was had, a degree was earned, Jae grew facial hair, and so much more.

Through all the ups and downs, we’re still here.

We started Logic in Love to share practices focused on relationship building and growth, so people can find more joy and fulfillment in their romantic lives and beyond. As we’re back in the arena tending to our own foundation, we’re more dedicated to that than ever.

We can’t wait to share what we’ve been cooking up for you for Logic in Love… and of course to share some wedding photos!

Turn on notifications to stay tuned for what’s next! 🔔📺

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❤️

03/19/2021

Sometimes there is a mismatch between the way we default to showing love and the way we want to receive love. For me (Jae), I noticed this a few years ago. While I primarily like to receive love through quality time, I default to showing love through acts of service. This is partially because I feel that time is the most valuable asset I manage, so if I’m taking the time to provide a service for someone rather than outsource or delegate the task, that's an act of love.

Do you like to show and receive love in the same manner or do you also have some difference between them? Don’t be shy now, let’s talk about it!

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❤️

03/15/2021

What’s good fam!? This week, let’s talk about Love Languages.
I didn't personally know much about Love Languages until a few years ago when Lajuanda and I first started “talking.” Like anything else, I took a quiz, got the results, and then was left to make sense of it for myself. My primary Love Language is Quality Time.
“Quality time” looks different for everyone. Some folks need active engagement in order for something to feel like it’s quality time, while others only need to be in the same room watching a movie and that's enough. In order to figure out what quality time meant for me, I thought about moments when I felt most connected to my family, friends, and even romantic partners. Moments when we were actively engaged in some activity together immediately came to mind. So, I had to learn to articulate that to Lajuanda because that was a need for me to feel loved. One way we do that in our relationship is through Friday date nights. Date night starts at 7pm. My phone goes on “Do Not Disturb,” and we have time set aside to just enjoy each other.

What’s your love language? What are some examples of ways you enjoy receiving love?

03/09/2021

We’re so grateful for our first 100 followers! Jae and I are out to change the way people do relationships. Between personal experience and dismal relationship stats, believe us when we say there is MUCH to change. This is about taking a fair shot at remodeling the love we all want and deserve. Anyone can go from unfulfilling relationships to extremely satisfying ones, we just need the right tools. We’re glad you’re here with us.

Ready to put in some work? 🛠👷🏾‍♀️👷🏾👷🏾‍♂️

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❤️

03/08/2021

We’re about to get into the meat of Logic in Love, but first, allow me to reintroduce myself to the newcomers. My name is Jae. I saw the need for a channel like Logic in Love because I wasn't raised with healthy relationship examples and found myself playing out negative patterns that left me feeling like I was not worthy of love or that it was much more effort than it was worth. I took a deep dive into my own thoughts, desires, and feelings in order to uncover what I really wanted out of the relationship. I used an approach that felt familiar: logic. That helped me to dig deeper and come up with a roadmap to eventually find the self-love I was seeking. Love isn’t all heart or all brain, but my experience is that you can definitely put some logic into love to jumpstart potential relationships or problem-solve current ones.

Soon we will jump into some of the specifics of our foundations for a functional partnership. It doesn't sound sexy, but intimacy starts with healing and understanding.

Ready to go deeper? 😜🤫 Follow me.

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Washington D.C., DC

Website

http://thelogicinlove.com/

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