11/16/2025
The key to persuasion is not beating people over the head with your better ideas—it’s listening sincerely to what they have to say, Arthur C. Brooks wrote in 2024. “If you decide to share your values as a loving gift and turn your back on hate, you will probably, at first, hear harsh words from some former allies that your new outlook is reasonless. Smile, listen, and answer them with kindness and more listening.” https://theatln.tc/61vETSye
If you succumb to rage or find lashing out all too easy, you may end up wielding your sincerely held values as a weapon: “Doing so will influence no one who doesn’t already agree with you,” Brooks continues. “Worse, it will provoke equal-but-continued angry dogmatism.” Instead, finding ways to fight your reflexive inclinations by offering your values as a gift can actually influence others to change their mind—and even follow your lead.
It’s hard not to talk about something you feel strongly about, positively or negatively. Social psychologists have found that when you share a feeling about something and someone around you agrees in both their behavior and expression, you may become more emotionally attuned to each other, leading to positive social interactions. “The emotions and opinions we share with others to build a relationship are as likely to be negative or critical as not,” Brooks wrote. “Gossip is a common way to promote trust among members of an in-group, even if it involves reckless calumnies about others.”
In the 1960s, two psychologists discovered the so-called boomerang effect: When people are insulted because of the opinions they hold, they are more likely to dig into their position against that of the insulter. “If you suspect you’ve been inflicting your views and feelings on others as though you were walloping them with what you wanted to share,” Brooks wrote, consider how to “understand and manage your own feelings, and share them more positively.” One way to do this is to focus on something that you and others agree on: “Agreement in beliefs can be quite hard to come by when all that you and those around you have been focusing on is your disagreements,” Brooks continued. “But this can be done.”
Read more about how to turn your truth into a gift at the link.
🎨: Jan Buchczik