05/21/2026
Hi folks, first post of a long time lurker. I got married! OK, so not so dull, but it was a very dull event, and not quite what we had intended...
I married a man 22 years older than me. We had been friends for a few years and gradually fell for each other in that sort of complete way where you feel like you're home when you're with them. I have children from a previous marriage so we took things real slow and gentle. We knew we were in it for the long run, so there was no rush. We would get married and get a place together when we had saved some money.
Then he was diagnosed with diabetes and just got sicker and sicker. He was too unwell to work. The doctors said it was the diabetes medication and gave him peppermint tablets for indigestion. He was in a lot of pain. Eventually, after a year of this, he collapsed in the street and was taken to hospital, where we were told that the diabetes had likely been caused by cancer. Now, if you're fortune enough not to know this, pancreatic cancer works fast. It is very difficult to detect and the prognosis is always bad. So suddenly we were faced with a very different future. One where I navigate life alone, with a jar full of ashes for company. I couldn't bear the thought of him fading completely from my life, I wanted a record somewhere that he was part of the family I built. My cheating ex husband was (on paper) more a part of us than my soul mate and this felt very wrong. I wanted to be his wife, I wanted him to be an official step dad to my children, a part of our family tree. So I asked him to marry me as a matter of urgency. He said yes. We couldn't invite lots of people, wear fancy clothes, choose flowers, food, a cake, a colour scheme... But I did manage to rush out and buy a couple of rings. We married in the hospital a few days later, and my children were able to attend. He was fully aware of what he was doing, but it was his last proper conversation before he fell asleep, and on waking a few hours later, was overcome with confusion, hallucinations and eventually unconsciousness. He died two days after we married, with me by his side, 19 days after his collapse.
The past 7 weeks have been very undull. I've been back and forwards to the hospital, arranged a wedding and got married, became a widow, cleared out a flat, arranged a funeral and organised a wake, eulogy, caterers, playlist, slide show... I've been working, looking after my children, doing the end-of-the-school-year-stuff, (ordering uniforms, buying outfits for leavers dances, going to school parents meetings, sports days etc). I haven't stopped to breathe.
Now though, I'm staring into the abyss. I have the next 30 years or so to exist for. When my children fly the nest I will be left alone. I think maybe time to revisit old dull hobbies. Anyway, here's my favorite picture from our incredibly dull wedding, amongst incredibly undull circumstances. My moment of peace in all this chaos.
EDIT:
I made this post during a restless night. It was an attempt to quiet my mind, which just wouldn't stop. I thought perhaps it might move someone to seek a second opinion for their symptoms, or restore someone's faith in love. I was not expecting this huge outpouring of love and support!
For those of you who have shared their own heartbreaking stories, I am so sorry that you've had to go through that. I am so sorry that you understand how it feels.
For those of you who have expressed heartbreak at our story and have offered condolences and sympathies, thank you. You have such kind souls to feel so deeply for a stranger.
For those of you who have edited our photograph so it is less obvious where we were, thank you. They are beautiful, and I truly appreciate the time you have taken to do this, it is a lovely thing. I will always love the original, but I'll be keeping all of these too.
I have to say, I never noticed any likeness to Robin Williams but yes, my husband was a very dapper chap. And he would love the comments on his hat and beard! He was incredibly kind and attentive. He was amazing with my children, but had none of his own. The only family is a cousin and her grown children, who live quite far away, and who I have never met. And knowing what I do now about how things would end, yes I would absolutely do it again, no hesitation, no second guesses. I have been so priveledged to know him, and am so proud to be his wife.
I've been trying to read as many comments as possible, and it's taking me a while. Partially because I keep tearing up, but also, there are so many. It's a testament to how in times of grief and in love, no matter where we are, the whole world is united. The language is universal, and I am so happy that you can see it in our picture. Here's another, from a healthier (and blonder) time.
Thank you so much,
Gemma
