12/21/2025
CHRISTMAS THREAT CONFIRMED
The Grinchaggis has awoken, and presents are at risk.
Wildlife officials, alongside a growing number of confused parents, have issued a seasonal warning following confirmed sightings of the Grinchaggis, a rare, green furred subspecies of Highland haggis with a deep rooted hatred of Christmas.
The Grinchaggis is believed to spend most of the year living high in remote Highland glens, avoiding human contact, festive music, and anything involving tinsel. However, as Christmas Day approaches, experts say increased levels of cheer, decoration, and public merriment trigger its annual descent into anger.
Under the cover of darkness, the Grinchaggis descends into villages, towns and cities, dragging a suspiciously large sack and attempting to steal children’s presents, decorations, stockings, and any loose items that appear festive in nature.
Despite its best efforts, the Grinchaggis has never successfully cancelled Christmas in Scotland.
Reports suggest the Grinchaggis often returns to the hills by Christmas morning, burdened not with stolen goods, but with additional gifts of whisky and teacakes, forced upon it by overly generous local households.
Experts claim this sudden exposure to generosity causes a noticeable change in the Grinchaggis, with its heart reportedly growing several sizes larger by the end of the day.
Authorities advise the public to remain calm, secure presents where possible, and remember that Christmas has survived far worse, adding that "It usually returns everything by boxing day anyway.'