12/10/2025
The thing about me now is that I’m not who I used to be and I’ll never be her again. This is tragic in many ways as I used to be goofy, fun, witty, outgoing, spontaneous and care free.
Yet even in this, I remember the Word: “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT).
Some parts of me died in the fire of loss, but God is still faithful in the forming.
But it’s also a healthy change. I’m a giver and a yes man. I have always put others before myself. I’m a true servant at heart. That sometimes came with toleration of others who didn’t deserve it and going out of my way for someone who would never appreciate it.
And now I see that even Jesus—servant of all—drew boundaries. Scripture says He “wouldn’t entrust Himself to them” when their hearts were not right (John 2:24, NLT).
A servant’s heart is holy, but allowing yourself to be used is not.
Timmy tried to tell me I didn’t always have to say yes to people and that saying no was ok and I should never feel guilty about it. Now in his absence, I’ve learned what he tried to teach me for so long.
Wisdom often comes wrapped in sorrow. “Walk with the wise and become wise.” (Proverbs 13:20, NLT).
Timmy saw this long before I did, and now the lesson is carved in my spirit.
I will protect my peace and if that means removing someone then so be it. I will protect myself and my children no matter what and I won’t feel bad about it. I will not settle and I will set healthy boundaries. I will not allow anyone into my space who is narcissistic in any way. I will only allow what I want and what I need.
The Word says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23, NLT).
This is not selfishness—this is stewardship. God entrusts me with my peace, my home, and my children, and I will guard them boldly.
I need people who understand some days I might appear ok and then just cry out of nowhere. I don’t need them to understand, I just need them to care. I need to feel comfort, protection, safety and love. I will not entertain drama or someone who makes me feel less than. I will not stick around for your complaining. I want to be seen and heard for who I truly am. I don’t need someone to offer unsolicited advice or make me feel bad. I need encouragement and no expectation of me. I need to be met where I’m at. I need those in my life that understand Timmy and Leland will always be talked about and will always hold a place in my heart. I will not be taken advantage of, used or belittled.
Even Jesus wept—and those around Him simply stood with Him (John 11:35).
Scripture commands, “Share each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2, NLT), not add to them.
Love does not pressure. Love does not belittle. Love creates room for the hurting to breathe.
And anyone in my life must understand that the names Timmy and Leland are part of my heartbeat—they will never fade.
Grief does things to you. Most are bad and a few aren’t. But what it does is alter your reality, make you see yourself differently, change your priorities, makes you set boundaries, allows you to never settle, and shows you who you were is gone and the new you that you are becoming cannot be manipulated or overcome by anything or anyone.
Even Scripture says, “After you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation.” (1 Peter 5:10, NLT).
Grief may take, but God rebuilds.
That my friends, is the only beauty from ashes I’ve been able to see.”
And He promised it: “He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning.” (Isaiah 61:3, NLT).
And though the ashes remain, the beauty is rising—slowly, painfully, but undeniably—because God Himself is the one doing the restoring.
