06/18/2026
~~~~~~~~Unfiltered Field Notes~~~~~~~~
For most of my life, I thought being a good person meant managing everyone else's emotions. It started as a child.
I studied people in an effort to protect myself.
I monitored the room. I watched faces. I listened to tones. I adjusted myself accordingly.
Fast forward to adult/family life.
Is my son upset?
Is my husband happy?
Is someone misunderstanding me?
Do I need to explain, soften, fix, reassure, or make it better?
I became so skilled at tracking everyone else's emotional weather that I completely lost touch with my own.
The exhausting part wasn't their emotions.
The exhausting part was believing they were my responsibility.
"Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" Constant "I love you's" to gauge emotional temperature. But more often, just silence. The constant undercurrent that I was failing at being a fantastic wife and a good mom. Left to my own thoughts and imagination that I was deeply flawed and not worthy of love without working hard for it.
It was a lie.
The day everything began to change was the day I realized:
Their feelings belong to them.
My son's frustration is his.
My husband's discomfort is his.
Someone else's disappointment is theirs.
Not because I don't care. Because I do.
But CARING and CARRYING are not the same thing.
The moment I stopped managing everyone else's inner world, I got my own life back.
I had space to heal my inner world. To recognize that how I was shown love was an illusion. A deeply ingrained falsehood that I saw played out in my lineage.
I was worthy all along.
I didn't have to prove anything.
Its easy to slip back into this and sometimes I do, but I'm learning. I forgive myself quickly and readjust.
And what I call freedom now is simply allowing other people the dignity of their own emotional experience.
Including ME.