You Ain't a'Woofin

You Ain't a'Woofin A History, Crime, Mystery, and Astrology Podcast.

On today’s episode, Valerie presents the birth of the stapler, the monkey wrench, and hypnotism (Yay!), we discuss Willi...
08/14/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie presents the birth of the stapler, the monkey wrench, and hypnotism (Yay!), we discuss William Henry Harrison’s giant inaugural poundcake and Crème de Cassis desserts, gush over a stunning painting of Prince Albert’s favorite dog Eos (Queen!), and talk Classified Ads for female physicians, in the 1841 Timeline Twist. Next, Amy Jo covers the Guria Rebellion, along with a smattering of other 1841 events such as the Cincinnati Riots, the Rebecca Riots, the Potato Riots, the Dorr Rebellion, and the Creole Case, as we discuss what causes a population to rise up against oppression and push back against a reigning power structure. Power to the people, ya’ll!



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On today’s episode, Valerie tells the twisted tale of Elizabeth Broadingham and the love triangle that ended in murder. ...
07/31/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie tells the twisted tale of Elizabeth Broadingham and the love triangle that ended in murder. When Elizabeth’s real life became too much to bear she ran off to create a new one. Once she tasted the fruits of illicit love she couldn’t let it go, so she devised a plan and “bewitched” her reluctant lover into carrying out the dreadful deed. Next, Amy Jo’s Zodiac Back covers the 1776 outer planet placements, we touch on eclipses and Lexell’s Comet (NOT seen that year, but placing in the Top Ten Lost Comets List!), and discuss the famous USA ‘birth chart published by the infamous freemason Ebenezer Sibley, who held some questionable beliefs. We round out the episode with the Moon Moment and what we can expect in 2025. Um, August is looking alright.



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On today’s episode, Valerie outlines some revolutionary events (‘twas a big year!), including a sh*t-ton of battles, and...
07/22/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie outlines some revolutionary events (‘twas a big year!), including a sh*t-ton of battles, and the world’s first submarine, whose mission failed, but at least he looked ridiculous while trying. We also cover a 1776 inspired album full of bangers, what the founding fathers ate on the FIRST 4th of July, and discuss the hottest tech trends of the day in the 1776 Timeline Twist. Next, Amy Jo presents the ghastly story of Sam the Butcher, and the slaying of sweet Anne Smith the balladeer as she walked through Priestly Fields. The event terrorized the town of Congleton, which was known more for its festivals, flowers, ribbons, beers, and bears - they wrote a lively tune about it! Thanks to some cannibalism-curious comments, and even more shady behaviour, the vicious scoundrel was brought to justice and even put on display for the littles to observe. Oy!



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On today’s episode, Valerie recounts the story of a macabre scandal that shocked Georgian Era Liverpool when a devastati...
07/13/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie recounts the story of a macabre scandal that shocked Georgian Era Liverpool when a devastating discovery was made after examining three foul-smelling 42 gallon casks that had been left the night before at George’s Dock. That discovery led to another, even more horrific discovery in the cellar of a boy’s school run by a local reverend, and a manhunt for the suspected gang of five ensued. This story is so 1800s it hurts! Next, Amy Jo’s Zodiac Back covers Uranus in Gemini, the 50th Anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the US Chiron return, which is both an asteroid and a comet, we look at the charts of Jefferson Davis and Stephen Foster, and touch on the Carrington Event. Yikes!



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It’s rough out there, but we’re wishing you a weekend of peace and relaxation surrounded by the people you love. Join us...
07/04/2025

It’s rough out there, but we’re wishing you a weekend of peace and relaxation surrounded by the people you love. Join us soon as we attempt to answer the question, When was America great? We love you, and we ain’t a’Woofin!



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On today’s episode, we discuss the invention of “Friction Lights/Lucifers”, the very first Cowes Regatta, brought to us ...
06/27/2025

On today’s episode, we discuss the invention of “Friction Lights/Lucifers”, the very first Cowes Regatta, brought to us by the pl***oy prince, George IV, the cinematic universe of Kevin Costner brought to us by The Last of the Mohicans, the first ever photograph, and the time when frenemies turned penpals (Jefferson and Adams) died within hours of each other on the Jubilee of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, in the 1826 Timeline Twist. Next, Amy Jo presents the delightful story of dairy laden debauchery at West Point Military Academy, when cadets had had enough of the strict rules, and hatched a plan with the help of the “most important bartender in American history”, Benny Havens. After the success of the secret nighttime mission, the revelry escalated into door-knocking games, hiding in plain sight, the reading of The Riot Act, the suspicion of an impending massacre, stolen instruments, murder plots, piled furniture, and finally an inquest.



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On today’s episode, Valerie shares the petty and ridiculous tale of Andrew Jackson’s murderous duel. This story proves t...
06/20/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie shares the petty and ridiculous tale of Andrew Jackson’s murderous duel. This story proves true any rumors of his violent temper and obsession with retribution for ANY perceived wrongs. We outline the dramatic name-calling, the series of “diss tracks” between him and Charles Dickinson (and friends), the challenge to a duel, the unsavory strategies to win, and a controversial end to the events of that fateful day. Next, Amy Jo presents the 1806 astrology, including Tecumseh’s Eclipse, which when correctly predicted by Shawnee Chief Tecumseh’s brother, Shawnee prophet Tenskwatawa, helped to further their cause of forming a united Native Peoples coalition. Lastly, we discuss Pluto in Pisces, Biela’s Comet, and whatever happened to Merriweather Lewis?



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On today’s episode, we visit our old friends Napoleon and Lewis & Clark. We discuss the beautiful Arc de Triomphe monume...
06/04/2025

On today’s episode, we visit our old friends Napoleon and Lewis & Clark. We discuss the beautiful Arc de Triomphe monument, Lewis & Clark’s arrival in St. Louis, which was received with great fanfare (except for that one guy), the invention of carbon paper, the cocktail of cocktails - The Old Fashioned, and finally anthropometry in the 1806 Timeline Twist. Next, Amy Jo tells the sensational story of West v. West, a trial that shocked Salem, Massachusetts society, when wealthy Mrs. Elizabeth “Betsy” West charged the less wealthy Mr. West with adultery during the marriage. It was the first divorce case after a change in divorce law, the scandalous details of which were made much more entertaining by the salacious diary entries of the gossipy Reverend Bentley, who detailed the story seemingly from beginning to end.



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We’ve extended the holiday weekend and are taking the week off. We’ll be back before you know it. We love you, and we ai...
05/29/2025

We’ve extended the holiday weekend and are taking the week off. We’ll be back before you know it. We love you, and we ain’t a’Woofin!



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On today’s episode, Valerie shares the astonishing story of a rebellion that ensued after a senseless, racially motivate...
05/23/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie shares the astonishing story of a rebellion that ensued after a senseless, racially motivated murder in Arkansas, an area that was reeling when its economy was turned upside down after the civil war. The retribution that followed, and the mob’s extended presence in the town afterward was seen as terrorizing or tense, depending on the news source. Next, Amy Jo covers our current day astrology, including the upcoming Gemini New Moon, as well as the astrology of 1871. We discuss OUR Neptune placements, the 1871 eclipses, Comet Encke losing its tail (Boo!), and a ‘Mysterious Meteor Theory’ for Michigan's Great Fires of 1871 in this week’s Zodiac Back.



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On today’s episode, Valerie touches on the Ku Klux Klan Act and the Franco-Prussian War, including an unpleasant but lik...
05/16/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie touches on the Ku Klux Klan Act and the Franco-Prussian War, including an unpleasant but likely necessary Paris Seige Menu, new releases of some favorite foods, maybe the first essential oil diffuser, and a historical Easter-Egg laden 1871 Italian map (along with Reddit comments) in the Timeline Twist. Next, Amy Jo tells the gross and gory details of the story of the Whaling Disaster of 1871, where 33 whaling ships were caught in a precarious situation due to their own bravado and stupidity. We discuss a little whaling history, and the tie-in to Moby Dick, as well as just how bad it had to have smelled on those lengthy voyages, just so we could light up our cities. We’re looking at you Paris.



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On today’s episode, Valerie tells the story of a group of 114th Field Artillery Regiment men, who shortly after the clos...
05/07/2025

On today’s episode, Valerie tells the story of a group of 114th Field Artillery Regiment men, who shortly after the close of WWI, set out for retribution by kidnapping the most sought after man of the day. They were led by Colonel Luke Lea (yes - that’s his real name), and armed with confidence, a Sam Brown Belt, fake papers, and a Cadillac. While the mission failed, we think it makes for one entertaining story. Next, Amy Jo’s Zodiac Back covers the astrology of 1919, which included 4 fiery mercury retrogrades, the eclipse that made Einstein a household name, as well as a special “comet me, bruh” featuring the founder of the Lick Observatory Archives who discovered interstellar bands before retiring to raise her kids and host astrophysicists for tea. And, Caravaggio can paint perspective!



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