03/10/2026
Can we talk about kinship caregivers for a minute?
Because I don’t think we talk about what they’re carrying nearly enough.
Imagine getting a phone call and finding out a child you already love needs somewhere safe to go.
Except this isn’t a child you’ve never met.
This is your grandbaby. Your niece. Your nephew. Your little cousin. Your sibling.
You already know their birthday. You already have pictures of them in your phone. You’ve held them, bought them Christmas presents, watched them grow.
And now somebody is asking if they can come live with you.
Of course you say yes.
But nobody really talks about everything that comes with that yes.
Because you’re not only taking in a child you love. You might also be grieving what is happening to someone ELSE you love.
Maybe that’s your daughter whose child is now sleeping down the hall from you.
Maybe it’s your son.
Maybe it’s your sister or brother.
And suddenly you’re standing in this really painful place where you love both of them.
You are angry. You’re scared. You’re heartbroken for this child.
But your heart might also be breaking for the parent because that’s your baby too.
Goodness.
I don’t know that we give enough space for that.
Kinship caregivers can be expected to protect a child while also watching their own family fall apart.
They may be sitting in court listening to things about someone they have loved their entire life.
They may be taking a grandchild to a visit with their own daughter.
Think about that for a second.
They may go home and comfort that child after the visit while privately crying over the adult child they couldn’t save from addiction, trauma, bad choices or whatever brought the family to this place.
And then everybody has opinions.
Family members get mad. People choose sides. Someone says they’re helping DSS take the child. Someone else thinks they’re doing too much for the parent.
They’re trying to keep family relationships together while also making sure this child is safe.
And in the middle of all of it, they’re parenting again.
Maybe they thought they were done with diapers 20 years ago, and now there’s a car seat in the back seat again.
School drop offs. Therapy. Doctor appointments. Caseworkers coming to the house. Visits. Court dates. Bedtime routines.
And something else we don’t talk about enough?
Many kinship caregivers do all of this with very little financial help, and sometimes no financial assistance at all.
Another mouth to feed. Another child to clothe. Another bedroom to set up. Diapers, formula, school supplies, childcare, gas to appointments and visits.
Life can change overnight, but the household budget doesn’t magically change with it.
Some grandparents are doing this on fixed incomes. Some relatives are already raising their own children. Some are dipping into savings or changing work schedules because a child they love needed somewhere to go.
And they figure it out because what else are they supposed to do?
That’s family.
Their entire life may have changed with one phone call.
And they said yes anyway.
I also think we forget that many kinship caregivers aren’t licensed foster parents. They may not have walked into this because they felt “called to foster care.”
They walked into it because a child they love needed them.
That’s different.
And I just want to say this to the grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins and all the other relatives who quietly rearranged their entire lives so a child could stay connected to family…
I see you.
I see how complicated your love is allowed to be.
You can love that child’s parent and still be angry about what happened.
You can desperately want that parent to heal and still say this child has to be safe.
You can pray for reunification and still be scared of what happens if things don’t change.
You can be grateful the child is with you and still grieve the reason they had to come.
None of that makes you disloyal.
It makes you human.
Family can be messy.
Foster care can make it even messier.
But somewhere tonight there is a child sleeping in a familiar family’s home because somebody said, “Bring them to me.”
Maybe nobody will ever fully understand what that yes cost.
Maybe nobody sees the bills, the exhaustion, the family tension or the tears after everyone else goes to bed.
But that child gets to know something incredibly important.
When everything changed, somebody in their family stayed.
And goodness, that matters.
