28/12/2025
* TRIGGER WARNING *
FIVE YEARS.
Five years since you left me and those who loved you, Victor Moquin.
So much has happened in those five years, but I have also been stuck in so many ways.
You didn’t just shatter my heart. You shattered everything in my body. You broke me in a way that cannot ever fully be fixed.
That’s what su***de does. It breaks the people who are left behind. And if you are the most undeserving person to find the one who has taken their life, like I did, you will never, ever unsee it. And when you see it that way in a movie or even when you hear it spoken, you see it just as you saw it that day.
I have let go of so many of your personal items. Who cares about sweatshirts, hats, ticket stubs? We didn’t have kids and your family took what they wanted.
Pictures like these remind me of the times that we enjoyed over the years- in between the fighting and arguing, which far outweighed the happy times.
We saw dozens of concerts, from Katy Perry to Metallica.
We ate a lot of ice cream.
We went to the beach in the summer.
We had lots of couch and cat time.
You grilled whoever possible.
We played lots of volleyball.
We had lots of jokes that were our thing, and I still think of you when I see or hear some songs, movie lines or tv shows.
You loved me and the cats as much as you could, but you were so broken that you couldn’t love me or anything as much as I deserved to be loved.
I wasn’t strong enough to realize that years before you left us…
But I’m strong enough now.
To those who are su***de survivors like me: IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT. I don’t care if there was a note, what it said, or if there wasn’t. You could not have stopped it. It was their choice.
To those who are suicidal or who have contemplated su***de, please call 988 and seek help immediately. I am not a medical professional. I can only speak from the point of someone who has lost someone they loved and found them unalive. You are loved and you are wanted here. Please do not leave.
Last year, I parted with your ashes, Victor.
This year, at 5 years, will mark my final post to you here.
***desurvivor #988 ***depreventionawareness
