08/05/2025
Ex-KFC Employee Arrested for Frying Chicken At Home Every Midnight to Tortured Sleeping Neighbours
PRETORIA — An ex-KFC employee was finally arrested this week after a dramatic late-night sting operation ended his weeks-long campaign of olfactory warfare, during which he fried chicken at ungodly hours, driving his entire neighborhood into madness with the mouthwatering scent of 11 herbs and psychological torment.
Neighbors say 32-year-old Sizwe “Colonel” Mahlangu began his descent into poultry-based chaos shortly after being dismissed from his job at KFC for "excessive seasoning experiments and an emotional attachment to the deep fryer."
"I thought it was a one-time thing," said neighbor Mama Mokoena, whose house is directly adjacent to Sizwe's. "But every night—2 a.m., 3 a.m.—BOOM! The smell hits. Garlic, paprika, sadness… You could feel your stomach betray you, even after supper."
Local residents were initially sympathetic, assuming Mahlangu was just adjusting to unemployment. That changed when doorbell cameras revealed he was frying chicken shirtless in his kitchen, laughing maniacally and shouting, “They may have taken my apron, but they’ll never take my spices!”
Residents tried everything—noise complaints, interventions, and even a failed braai-based peace offering—but the nightly fried fragrance assaults continued.
Children began sneaking out for phantom drumsticks. One man chewed on his couch cushion thinking it was a wing. Entire families were caught standing outside Mahlangu's window in their pajamas, hypnotized.
“We were prisoners of poultry,” said one tearful resident. “It was like a KFC branch had gone rogue and opened in the Twilight Zone.”
Authorities finally stepped in after a delivery driver mistakenly brought 15kg of flour and 25 litres of cooking oil to Mahlangu’s door at 1:30 a.m. "That was the final red flag," said Sergeant Mthembu. "No one needs that much oil unless you're opening a pop-up or plotting culinary terrorism."
