Funkin Magazine

22/08/2025

Sibah Anne x

Anneworld Records presents 'Khanya' an Audio from Sibah Anne's Archives. NB : We do not own the Instrumental. Bookings : [email protected] / +27681755393 /...

08/05/2025

Ex-KFC Employee Arrested for Frying Chicken At Home Every Midnight to Tortured Sleeping Neighbours

PRETORIA — An ex-KFC employee was finally arrested this week after a dramatic late-night sting operation ended his weeks-long campaign of olfactory warfare, during which he fried chicken at ungodly hours, driving his entire neighborhood into madness with the mouthwatering scent of 11 herbs and psychological torment.

Neighbors say 32-year-old Sizwe “Colonel” Mahlangu began his descent into poultry-based chaos shortly after being dismissed from his job at KFC for "excessive seasoning experiments and an emotional attachment to the deep fryer."

"I thought it was a one-time thing," said neighbor Mama Mokoena, whose house is directly adjacent to Sizwe's. "But every night—2 a.m., 3 a.m.—BOOM! The smell hits. Garlic, paprika, sadness… You could feel your stomach betray you, even after supper."

Local residents were initially sympathetic, assuming Mahlangu was just adjusting to unemployment. That changed when doorbell cameras revealed he was frying chicken shirtless in his kitchen, laughing maniacally and shouting, “They may have taken my apron, but they’ll never take my spices!”

Residents tried everything—noise complaints, interventions, and even a failed braai-based peace offering—but the nightly fried fragrance assaults continued.

Children began sneaking out for phantom drumsticks. One man chewed on his couch cushion thinking it was a wing. Entire families were caught standing outside Mahlangu's window in their pajamas, hypnotized.

“We were prisoners of poultry,” said one tearful resident. “It was like a KFC branch had gone rogue and opened in the Twilight Zone.”

Authorities finally stepped in after a delivery driver mistakenly brought 15kg of flour and 25 litres of cooking oil to Mahlangu’s door at 1:30 a.m. "That was the final red flag," said Sergeant Mthembu. "No one needs that much oil unless you're opening a pop-up or plotting culinary terrorism."

18/02/2025

THE YOUNGEST 25 YEARS OLD TEACHER HAVE ALLEGEDLY GONE MISSING AFTER BEING SUSPENDED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT TOWARDS LEARNERS.

The youngest English, Art and LO Teacher At Ukukhanya Primary school, who’s 25 years old named Mbalenhle Mgomondo have gone missing just after her disciplinary hearing outcome were revealed in school.

According to our source the teacher was allegedly been accused of sexual harassment towards grade 7 boys learners in the school.

This includes Touching the boys learners in their private parts and kissing them without their consent.

The teacher was suspended last year October as the department was still investigating the matter.

(Last year statement) According to the three interviewed grade 7 learners they said.🗣 U maam Usibamba Umphambili almost daily during our school hours.

It becomes worse if it’s an Art and culture period as we change our school uniform and wear our shorts and go outside the class.

It is allegedly, that She promises us high marks which she’ll give us if we can make her happy but we refused to do the ######### with her but still she touch us that’s why we only complains about the touching of our manhood they said.

After so long, the department was done with investigation with the help of other school girls learners and in results the department have found out that all the alleged accusations were false and not true..

The boys allegedly ganged up against their teacher simply because of her being strict and wanting everyone to have a bright future.

Because of their behaviour The teacher even removed them from the school soccer team after fighting with another school which came to visit them for a game and from there the teacher became bad from them.

We don’t have much clearity but it was allegedly said by the principal that a young girl who overheard a conversation about all this plot have reported to the office with immediate effect and that’s how the truth came up.

The kids failed their grade 7 and they’r

05/02/2025

LUYANDA BOTHA GETS THREE LIFE SENTENCES FOR KILLING UYINENE MRWETYANA.

'This is how I killed Uyinene Mrwetyana
"I, Luyanda Botha, was employed as a teller at the Clarenreich Post Office in Claremont. I first interacted with the deceased on 8 August 2019 when she entered Clarenreich Post Office to enquire about a parcel she was expecting. The parcel contained clothing she had purchased online.

"The parcel was not available and I told the deceased I would contact her to tell her when the parcel was available.

"The parcel arrived at the post office on 16 August 2019. I registered the parcel on the same day.

"On Saturday 24 August 2019 I reported for duty at Clarenreich Post Office. The post office was due to close at 13h00. Shortly before 13h00 my colleague, Soraya Abdullah, went home as per an agreement between us, leaving me alone in the post office.

"I contacted the deceased to inform her the parcel was available for collection.

"The deceased used the Taxify taxi service to travel from her residence, Roscommon, university student accommodation in Claremont, to the Clarenreich Post Office. She arrived at the post office after closing time.

"I unlocked the front door and the deceased entered. When she entered the post office, we were alone in a locked post office.

"When the deceased searched her bag to pay the requisite customs fees, I started making sexual advances towards her.

"The deceased did not respond and looked scared. I grabbed her by the waist and forcibly pulled her closer to me.

"I proceeded to sexually touch the deceased against her will. I inserted my fingers into her va**na. I then inserted my p***s into her va**na.

"The deceased fought me whilst I sexually violated her.

"She managed to run to the door but I caught up with her and knocked her to the ground.

"I dragged the deceased to the safe inside the post office. I locked her up inside the safe. The deceased screamed while inside the safe.

"I choked the deceased and she fought back an

04/02/2025

Fidelity Services Group has vacancies in Cape Town, Durban, Bloemfontein and Midrand for Sales Reps.

More vacancies and to apply:

Fidelity Services Group is Southern Africa's largest integrated security solutions provider and the industry leader in protection innovation. Excellence in service delivery and implementation are fundamental to our impressive track record. By keeping abreast of the latest trends and technological de...

23/01/2025

🚨Big opportunities await!

MSC Cruises plans to create an impressive 75,000 new jobs by 2027—this is your chance to join an industry on the rise!

MSC Cruises is seeking energetic individuals to join their vibrant cruise staff team. They’re offering diverse career paths across hospitality, culinary arts, entertainment, and maritime operations.

Explore open positions and apply online at: www.shosholozaoceanacademy.co.za

❓ Got questions about starting or advancing your career with MSC Cruises?
Join their Live Q&A session!
📅 When: Thursday, 30 January 2025
⏰ Time: 11:00am - 12:00pm
🔗 Join here: https://bit.ly/4ajnXLj
This is your opportunity to connect directly with the team, gain insider tips, and learn everything you need to know about working at sea.

🌊 Be part of this amazing journey and join the family!

Shosholoza Ocean Academy (SOA) is the premier recruitment and training agency representing the MSC Group Cruise Division in South Africa.

23/01/2025

We are urgently looking for 32 candidates for a position in the fast food industry; preparing food, cashier and customer services. Must have matric and speak English. No age restrictions. Only those who meet the criteria must urgently forward their updated CV according to their residential area below:

Khayelitsha - [email protected]
Gugulethu - [email protected]
Mfuleni - [email protected]
Delft - [email protected]

The subject heading of the email must clearly state: *Fast Food Industry application- "name the area" example: Delft

Closing: 27 Jan25

Thanks
Public Employment Services
Bellville Labour Centre

23/01/2025

ATTENTION! SAVE THE DATE!! 👌

Mon 17 February 2025!

Remember:
The future belongs to those who prepare for it!

Jobs/Training and Academic support Festival

WhatsApp Jenny at 0710059717 to book!

Donation: R60 per person (certificate included) pay at the door!
VIP members: R30 pp.

Calling all the unemployed!

NO AGE RESTRICTION!

YoungPeople@Work in collaboration with Bellville Labour Centre, Public Employment Service Unit!

Monday, 17 February 2025
Parow library, cnr of Mcintyre Rd/1st Ave, Parow (opposite Spar supermarket, off Voortrekker Rd) 9.00 am - 2.00 pm.

Facilitators:
Frank Julie (Founder/Director, YP@W, author of 4 books, Master's in Adult Education, founder of 8 companies)
Freda Camphor (Director, Dept of Employment and Labour, Master's in Development, PHD candidate, UWC)

Information about employment and training opportunities will either be shared by reps from the following groups in person or with available brochures!

Free travel vouchers from City of Cape Town
YoungPeople@Work (current free and discounted computer, life skills, Train the Trainer, practical and advanced office admin, Zoom/Ms Teams, Advanced Excel courses, etc.)

Bellville Labour Centre: Public Employment Services - NSFAS support
DreamXchange (how to sign up for job opportinities online - TBC)
CoCT - job seeker database registration
Harambee (SA Youth, free online employment and training opportunities)
Brainwaves (Security training)
Keep Healing (Nail tech training and rent-to-buy Nail tech kits)
D'Health Projects (various nursing courses, eg. Caregiver, HIV/TB Counselling and Rapid Testing R
Training)
Reach Make It (welding/plumbing - TBC)
Mfesane (construction, sewing, welding, etc. - TBC)
Petor Creatives (sewing and pattern making)
Amy Foundation (beautician training, hospitality, etc. - TBC)
Open Door Community Foundation (beautician training courses)
Current bookkeeping and HR training.
Find out how to sign up for sales agents for ETE Marketing (TBC) and Remax I

23/01/2025

According to FoodieMag, Cadbury is the most popular chocolate brand in South Africa. 🍫

23/01/2025

Costa Titch Legacy Management just confirmed that they will be dropping New Costa song on his 30th Birthday

29/02/2024

Sibah Anne x Dear Hip hop

https://songwhip.com/sibahanne/dear-hip-hop

Listen to "Dear Hip hop" by Sibah Anne on any music platform - Free smart music links by Songwhip