15/12/2025
👵 The Routine Grandma's Resignation
I CARED FOR MY GRANDKIDS FOR FREE FOR 8 YEARS... AND YESTERDAY THEY SAID THEY PREFERRED "THE OTHER GRANDMA" BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T SCOLD THEM AND BRINGS IPADS. I’m the grandma of warm soup, the one who picks them up from school and wipes their noses. The other grandma is the "elegant lady" who comes twice a year with expensive toys. Yesterday, my grandkids broke my heart by saying they wished I were more like her. What do you do when your daily sacrifice becomes invisible next to a credit card?
FULL STORY
My back is breaking. It’s not just the age—I’m 62. It’s from carrying backpacks that aren't mine, from bending over to pick up toys I didn't throw, and from hauling sleeping children who weigh too much now.
I am what they call a "satellite grandparent." My life revolves around the lives of my daughter, Andrea, and her two children, Lucas and Sophia, ages 8 and 6.
Andrea works all day. Her husband, Mark, does too. Since they "can't afford" a nanny and "don't trust" daycare centers, they simply assumed I would be delighted to spend my retirement raising a second generation.
And I did. With love.
I arrive at their house at 6:30 AM. I make breakfast. I get them dressed. I drive them to school. I clean the house (because "since you're here, Mom, can you lend a hand?"). I cook dinner. I help with homework. I deal with the tantrums. I am the one who says, "no candy before dinner," "brush your teeth," "do your schoolwork."
I am the grandma of discipline and care. The "boring" grandma.
On the other side, there is Celeste. My daughter’s mother-in-law.
Celeste lives in a different state—probably Miami or Beverly Hills. She has money. Lots of it. She is a woman of weekly salon appointments and perfect manicures. She doesn't know how to change a diaper. She has never had to clean vomit off a rug.
Celeste is the grandma of "guest star appearances."
She shows up for Christmas and birthdays. She arrives like a glamorous Santa Claus, laden with designer shopping bags, forbidden sweets, and high-tech gadgets.
Yesterday was Lucas’s birthday.
I was awake since 5 AM baking his favorite cake. Not store-bought. Handmade, beating the meringue until my arm ached. I bought him an adventure book and a knitted sweater. It’s what my pension allows.
At 4 PM, Celeste arrived.
She swept in like a diva, smelling of expensive Chanel perfume.
"My darlings!" she exclaimed.
Lucas and Sophia ran straight past me toward her.
"Grandma Celeste!" they screamed.
Celeste pulled two glossy white boxes out of her bag. Two brand-new, top-of-the-line tablets.
"So you can play and not be bored," she said, winking. "And don't let anyone tell you how long you can use them. Today is a free day."
The children squealed with excitement. They sat on the sofa, instantly hypnotized by the screens.
Andrea and Mark looked at Celeste with adoration.
"Oh, Celeste, you went overboard. They are so expensive. Thank you, really. You're the best."
I remained in the kitchen, cutting the cake that no one was looking at.
I approached Lucas.
"Honey... look, I brought your gift. And the cake."
Lucas didn't even look up from the tablet.
"Not now, Grandma Joan. I'm setting up my avatar."
"But sweetie, I made the cake..."
"Ugh, Grandma, it's always cake!" he snapped crankily. "Grandma Celeste brought tablets. That's a gift. You always bring clothes or boring books."
I felt a sharp stab in my chest. I looked at Andrea, expecting her to correct her son. Expecting her to say, "Lucas, respect your grandmother who takes care of you every single day."
But Andrea just laughed.
"Oh, Mom, don't take it personally. They're kids. Technology wins. Plus, you have to admit Celeste really outdid herself. She's the 'fun grandma.' You're... well, you're the grandma of routine. It's normal for them to prefer novelty."
"The grandma of routine."
That's what they call child-rearing now. The feeding. The safety. Routine.
Sophia, the youngest, delivered the finishing blow.
"I wish Grandma Celeste lived here," she said, her mouth full of candy Celeste had given her. "She doesn't scold us. She lets us do whatever we want. You're always tired, Grandma Joan."
I placed the cake knife down on the counter. The metallic clang was sharp and final.
I looked at my hands. Hands worn down by the bleach in their bathroom, by the soap for their laundry.
I looked at Celeste, fresh, radiant, being the hero of the day with her money.
And I looked at my daughter, who was enjoying a glass of wine, relaxed, because I was there to pick up the dirty plates afterward.
I took off my apron. I folded it carefully and placed it on the countertop.
I walked into the living room.
"Andrea," I said. My voice was calm, which surprised me.
"What's up, Mom? Are you going to serve the coffee?"
"No. I'm leaving."
"You're leaving? The cake isn't cut yet. And we need to clean up all the mess from the gifts."
"Exactly. There's cleaning to be done. And I suppose the 'fun grandma' isn't going to do it, is she?"
Celeste looked at me with a condescending little smile.
"Oh, Joan, don't get upset. I would, but my sciatica is acting up..."
"Don't worry, Celeste," I said. "I won't ask you to soil your Prada suit."
I turned to Andrea.
"Honey, the children are right. I am boring. I'm the one who scolds and makes vegetable soup. And I think they deserve more fun in their lives. So, starting tomorrow, I resign."
"What?" Andrea dropped her glass. "Mom, you can't be serious. I work tomorrow. Who is going to take them to school?"
"I don't know. Maybe Grandma Celeste can stay. Or maybe you can sell one of those tablets to pay for a nanny."
"Mom, we don't have money for nannies! We need you!"
"You need me, but you don't value me. And the free love ran out when I realized that to you, I'm just a household appliance, while she is the guest of honor."
I walked toward the front door.
Lucas dropped his tablet for a second.
"Grandma? Aren't you coming tomorrow?"
I looked at him sadly.
"No, my love. Tomorrow, you get to have fun. Tomorrow, there will be no one forcing you to do homework or eat vegetables. You'll be free."
I walked out of the house.
My phone hasn't stopped ringing. Andrea crying, saying it was a joke, that I'm indispensable. Mark saying "don't be dramatic."
But I'm not going back.
Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up at 9 AM. I'm going to make coffee just for myself. And I'm going to eat the leftover cake while watching my favorite daytime show.
I discovered something late, but just in time: Grandchildren are wonderful, but if you're the one raising them while the parents take the credit and the other grandma gets the applause... you're not a grandma. You're emotional servitude. And I just submitted my irrevocable resignation letter.
Let the "fun grandma" wipe their butts the next time they get diarrhea from eating too many sweets. I'm busy being the main character in my own life.
0 are children taking advantage to save on childcare?0