Married Up

Marriage encouragement with Dan & Danielle Macaulay - marriage speakers from Married Up and The Married Up Podcast and authors of The Triangle Effect!

09/06/2026

Your best, most sure, and effective way to improve your relationship with your spouse is to improve your relationship with your Heavenly Father.

We wrote the Triangle Effect devotional for these exact reasons.

One of you doing it will improve your marriage. BOTH of you doing it will GREATLY improve your marriage!

You can only decide for you, so begin again with a renewed intimacy with your father and see the benefits it will produce!

"The Triangle Effect" devotional from us (Dan and Danielle Macaulay) is available on Amazon now.

09/01/2026

It’s easy to get caught up in a heated moment and see your spouse and their point of view as an opponent to be conquered. But no matter how SURE you are that you’re right there is simply no better reward than peace in your home. Your spouse and you will win and lose, and rise or fall together! So press pause, chill out, and remember you are on the SAME TEAM! 👊🏼❤️

08/30/2026

Disagreements about money can escalate fast.

But understanding this one thing about yourself (and your spouse) can help bring some clarity to the conversation.
It's almost never about the money.

It's about what the money means to you - and to them. There are 4 categories that money values usually fall into. Which are you? Which is your spouse?

1. Enjoyment 🎉
The enjoyment person feels: "Why have it if we can't have a little fun with it? We deserve this. This is what the money is for."

2. Security 🦺
The security person says: "I feel safer when we have margin for a rainy day." To them, savings are a hedge against the unknown.

3. Status 👑
The status oriented person says: "What we have says something about us. Our lifestyle and what we are able to do makes me feel successful."

4. Control 💪
The control person feels like: "Money gives me power and a say in life. Having finances available to me gives us options and a choices."

We can think of Bible verses as a counter balance to every one of these thought processes above. But without evaluating the Biblical merit of any of these feelings quite yet, what we're going for here is realizing what's driving the intense feelings surrounding money in each of you. Once you know that, you start to understand why you might be clashing on some money priorities.

One see's a new car as a status symbol they need to feel seen and successful.

The other feels like they'd rather keep 1/3 of that money in the bank for a rainy day to feel safe.

The purchase argument isn't really about the dollars and the strong feelings are coming from deeply felt needs in both cases. Money fights are often really about: Joy, Safety, Identity, and Freedom…Ask “Which value is driving you right now?” (Or driving ME right now?)

Understanding that can change the whole conversation if we remain sensitive to our spouse's felt needs and compromise from there. Both of your feelings matter. Pulling back the curtain to the values behind the money is a helpful place to start talking honestly.

❓Which of these values do you tend to gravitate to?
❓Which does your spouse most often lean towards?
❓How could understanding their feelings help the conversation?
❓What Biblical principles could bring balance to our human tendencies here?

08/26/2026

Some comments from couples after a recent Married Up Date Night! 😍

Seems like couples are loving:
- Decades of love songs (esp the 90’s!)
- “Things Kids Say” comedy
- "Number 6” 😮

Duly noted! 😂

08/25/2026

Look carefully at your spouse.
Who are they - ALMOST?

What could they be if they were living the best version of themselves? (Even if they are not right now)

Speak to THAT version of them. Call it out of them. Help them see it in themselves. Help them BE that!

Rather than give them another reason to feel like a failure who will never get there (that's the message they get everywhere else) Be the voice that see and believes THE BEST in them.

When they DO "get there" you will be the first beneficiary of that best version oof them too!

08/23/2026

A SHOCKING large-scale survey was recently released where almost 30% of married couples reported having NO s*x in the last year!

It also revealed 29% of married couples were not having s*x once a week or more. (which, by the way, is a threshold of frequency associated with significantly higher levels of marriage satisfaction)

S*x can often be a symptom or litmus test for how everything else in a marriage is going… so maybe couples are more disconnected than ever?

Also of note - if a once per week threshold is shown by studies to parallel higher levels of marriage satisfaction - could that be a GOAL to shoot for?

If "having a goal" in s*x sounds totally weird to you, it's possible your thoughts on when s*x should happen are limited… Like… doesn't it just happen when the stars align, the kids are at their grandparents, the house is tidy, we managed to have a date night without fighting, neither of us feel fat and we both were in the mood at the same moment? 💥

If you wait for the stars to align and Haileys comet to fly by all at the same time before initiating s*x, s*x itself will become a distant memory.

TWO THOUGHTS:

1. Studies show that the more you engage in s*x with your spouse the more often you'll both feel like it. When you get past all the barriers to the place where you're both "warmed up" and starting to feel good the thought will become: "WHY HAVEN'T WE BEEN DOING THIS MORE?" But you don't have to wait until you're both magically revved up to start doing anything in the neighborhood of s*x. Be open to the mood before you're actually in the mood and play around in the vicinity of s*x and the revving might just start.

2. Since we're not waiting for a magical movie moment anymore, why not be proactive about the frequency and put it on the calendar or decide we're not going to go longer than X days without it? Decide you're going to stay connected physically and make plans to visit the candy shop regularly together and see what happens. 🍬 This can raise your marriage satisfaction level, stave off temptation to look elsewhere, and solve much tension before it begins. Desire begets desire and you might both just develop a sweet tooth! 🍭

08/20/2026

Anyone here old enough to remember actual film before everything went digital? If that film was ever exposed to the LIGHT it was destroyed forever.

SHAME tempts us to live in our dark places replaying our worst moments, frozen in time, over and over in our minds, wallowing in condemnation. But the invitation of God is to not hide it but expose it to the LIGHT. Confess it, bring it into Jesus' light and grace and it is exposed and destroyed forever. Sin's power is lost! God's unconditional grace, given to repentant hearts, changes us forever and who the Son sets free is free indeed!

Similarly, in marriage, we are invited to confess and find grace with one another as a mirror image of the grace we have both received from the Father. Not easy, but so much better than living in the dark, hiding from one another.

To be fully loved is to be fully KNOWN and loved.
Step into the light and find your freedom - and true love!

08/16/2026

In Genesis 2:18, God creates Eve to live with Adam. God calls her, in Hebrew, "ezer k'negdo" which has been traditionally translated as a "suitable helper," but we're MISSING something when we simplify it that much.

Ezer (עֵזֶר): - Means "strength," "rescue," or "helpmate". It is used elsewhere in the Bible primarily for God as a rescuer. So we're talking about someone with power offering rescue here - not a subordinate assistant or servant.

K'negdo (כְּנֶגְדּוֹ): - Literally means "face-to-face," or "opposite to him". So, implying a mirror, a counterpart, or an equal standing - not someone below. This person stands eye-to-eye, possessing the independent capacity to confront, complement, and hold the other accountable.

I actually like Jordan Peterson's way of saying which is "beneficial adversary" or, by some others: "beneficial challenger"

Adversary? Challenger? …In marriage?
But aren't we on the same team?

YES. But what you need for your team to be great sometimes is an opposite view, pushback and friction. Sometimes we are "rescued" from ourselves by an equal who has an opposite opinion, see's the other side and holds us to account. How are "two heads better than one" if one head just parrots the other's opinion and obeys like a slave?

Your partner's mind of their own is actually for your own good. A gift from God! When there is room for healthy conflict, discussion and a "meeting of the minds" in your married life and decisions you are truly better off and your team can be it's best!

05/26/2026

Today we celebrate 25 years of marriage!

Our greatest blessing in this life is each other. Clear eyed, that doesn't always make it easy. But, thankfully, it has not been just the two of us in this marriage! We thank God for being the foundational strength and the "third-strand" that has sustained us through trying times. Here's to the next 25 years together!

"Though one might be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

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