08/28/2026
WTFN CHANNEL 69 Proudly sponsored by Montego ci******es. — GOD GAVE WICHITA FALLS ONE COOL DAY BEFORE THROWING THE RIDERS BACK INTO HELL
Hotter’N Hell Heat returns Saturday, because apparently God wasn’t finished laughing
WICHITA FALLS, TX — In what can only be described as a cruel act of divine psychological warfare, Wichita Falls was briefly given a cool day this week with temperatures dropping below 100 degrees.
For a brief, glorious moment, residents were allowed to experience what meteorologists call “pleasant weather” and what longtime Wichita Falls residents call “something must be wrong.”
Then God apparently remembered that Saturday was Hotter’N Hell Hundred…
Temperatures are expected to climb back above 100 degrees just in time for thousands of people to climb onto bicycles and voluntarily ride around North Texas for reasons that remain unclear.
The Hotter’N Hell Hundred began in 1982 as part of Wichita Falls’ centennial celebration. Forty-five years later, the race continues, proving that some traditions simply refuse to die.
And while the event has grown into one of the largest cycling events in the country, WTFN 69 has uncovered several serious logistical questions.
For example: When exactly does this thing start?
We don't know.
When does it end?
Nobody knows.
The point is, at some point Saturday, a massive number of sweaty cyclists will simply begin emerging from the Texas countryside, and nobody will be quite sure whether they're finishing the race, escaping the race, or fleeing some sort of bicycle-related disaster.
And where is the starting line?
Look, we're journalists, not cartographers.
We know it's somewhere downtown.
We know there will be thousands of bicycles.
We know there will be a cannon.
Beyond that, we're going to need to see what happens.
Maybe you can do some damn research on your own…. Figure it out if you care so much.
The official schedule says the 2026 ride includes routes ranging from 10K all the way to the full 100-mile endurance ride.
But WTFN 69 will be taking a different approach to race coverage.
While other news organizations will be stationed along the route providing hydration updates, medical information and inspirational stories about human endurance, WTFN reporters will be stationed at Wichita Falls Brewing Company at 701 Indiana Avenue.
Why?
Because we're told the race finishes somewhere near there Saturday evening.
And frankly, if we're going to sit somewhere for several hours waiting for cyclists to finish something, we believe it should be somewhere with beer.
Our reporters will therefore be conducting an extensive investigation into several critical questions:
How hot is it?
How many cyclists are still out there?
How long can a human being remain on a bicycle in 100-degree heat?
And, most importantly:
How many beers does it take before we stop caring?
WTFN 69 will remain on location until the race is over, our reporters are asked to leave, or someone realizes we've been sitting there for several hours pretending to work.
Whichever comes first.
Welcome back, Hotter’N Hell.
May God have mercy on the cyclists.
Because He clearly isn't having any mercy on the weather.
WTFN Now proudly sponsored by Montego ci******es
The Montego Message:
There are moments in life when a man deserves to slow down.
To take a breath.
To enjoy a moment of quiet confidence and appreciate the simple pleasures that make life worth living.
So while you are out there racing this weekend don’t forget to slowdown and enjoy the smooth rich flavor of Montego.
Montego Ci******es — American Made.
WTFN 69 and Montego Ci******es remind you that cigarette smoking causes serious health problems along with a rich refreshing flavor that goes down s
